With Arrows or Traps
by Snowlia
Summary: "It had seemed like Sollux and Eridan hadn't been able to take their eyes off of each other. Feferi could have smacked herself for being so dumb. They wanted each other, even if they didn't realize it, they did, and badly." Story for Santabound.
1. Part I

**Author's Note: Hello Homestuck fandom! This is my first attempt at a Homestuck fanfiction and I hope that it isn't too terrible. I did this fic for SANTABOUND on tumblr, so this is dedicated to some tumblr user who remains anonymous to me at this time. They requested something with Sollux, Eridan, Karkat, and badass!Feferi. I wasn't sure what to do and humanstuck Soleri happened! So to that poor tumblr user who I was assigned to, **_**I'm sorry. **_**I hope you like it though, but if you do not enjoy humanstuck or Soleri, please let me know and maybe I can do something else. This will be four chapters, varying drastically in length because, what is consistency? **

**Disclaimer: I am not Andrew Hussie.**

**"Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps." -William Shakespeare, _Much Ado About Nothing, _3.1**

= Be Feferi

Feferi couldn't take this much longer. She really couldn't. Sherlock Holmes was one of her all-time favorite movies, and she could barely enjoy it because of the two living breathing vessels of hormones crowding her on either side.

The boys – as she was hesitant to even call them that anymore – were both sitting far too close, their arms pressed against hers, making her uncomfortable. Not that Feferi usually minded, she did love cuddling and was known to do so with both of the present offenders, but under current circumstances she wasn't feeling as friendly.

On her immediate right wearing a scowl, and overly large glasses, and weighing in at roughly 170 was her oldest friend in the world, Eridan Ampora. She knew he loved this movie too; they had gone to see it together in the theater when it had first come out and he hadn't shut up for about a week, though he would never let her forget that he read the books _before all this hype started. _

To her left wearing red and blue tinted glasses and weighing in at something-ridiculously-unhealthy was Sollux Captor, her newest best friend. Feferi was fairly certain that this was his type of movie as well, though she doubted he had spent more than five minutes watching the screen. She couldn't see his eyes behind the tint of his glasses, but she had a pretty good idea that they weren't on the screen, but on the boy to her right. His lip was pulled up slightly in a permanent sneer.

It should have been a great night, hanging out with her two favorite people in the world and watching one of her favorite movies. If only the two of them would stop exchanging _death glares_ over her head. The air in the room could be cut with a knife, though God only knew what kind of testosterone chaos that would unleash.

When the movie had begun they had both just been lightly touching her, a different hand stroking both of hers, and it hadn't been so bad. As the night had gone on though, they had both begun pressing closer and closer to her, their eyes meeting fleetingly over her head as they exchanged glares and sneers. At first it only made her feel a bit bitter, as if it were an insult to her short height that they could so easily look over her. Slowly her annoyance began to turn to something more awkward, as the boys on either side began to press into her, soon forgetting her entirely, as if she were nothing more than an obstacle separating them.

Separating them from doing what, she wasn't sure. Whatever it was, she didn't believe it would be safe for work.

So she sat between them, Eridan's shoulder pushing her roughly into the couch while Sollux's bony elbow dug into her hip. Her hands were in her lap, still nursing her wrist from when Eridan had grasped it so hard she had feared the bones might break.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was in reality only the most awkward two hours of her life, the credits began to roll. She let out a breath that was altogether too loud to have been considered subtle.

"Well, it's getting late, I think I am going to bed," she lied as soon as she could turn the volume down, violins almost drowning out her words.

Eridan shifted, pulling slightly away from her. "It's nine o'clock Fef," he smiled, his face relaxing for the first time since he had arrived.

"Yeah, Feferi, trying to get rid of u'th?" Sollux sounded lighthearted, but Feferi's face was locked on Eridan's as she watched his scowl return, blue eyes snapping to Sollux's face with a newly sparked fire.

"Or just one a' us," Eridan ground out, not even addressing Feferi at this point.

Feferi swore she could feel herself turning invisible again.

"I was thinking the th'ame thing…"

"Alright!" She pulled herself out from between them, only slightly weary of the repercussions of allowing them together without a barrier. Indeed as she whipped around to face them –catching them both with her never ending auburn hair – she saw them jerking themselves away from one another with a look of shock, having misjudged how heavily they had been leaning on their divider and had fallen forward with its removal. "That is enough!" She snapped, pulling both of their shocked faces to her once more.

"What are you talkin' about Fef?" Eridan quirked an eyebrow over his glasses, a look of hurt quickly taking over his sharp features. Neither his accent nor his perfected puppy-dogs eyes would save him tonight though.

"You two. I can't take it anymore." Feferi flailed her arms about, resisting the urge to just burry her fingers in her hair and pull until something gave. "The fighting, the snide comments, the glares, it's like you two fall into your own world when you're within eyeshot of each other! I swear to God, I think both of you forgot that I was even here…and that we were watching a movie! What the HELL is going on? Yes, we get it, you don't like each other; can we move on, please?" She was gesturing wildly, her hair and arms everywhere as she ranted. "It's like…you two are obsessed with each other."

Both boys' heads were hung and shoulders slumped as she scolded them. Sollux was tapping his fingers nervously on his knee and Eridan was worrying the bottom of his shirt with his thumb. Both of their pale faces were flushed red and lips pouting slightly. There was a mumbled and very much subdued apology from each and Feferi felt her anger melt away into something darker and yet less harsh.

Defeat.

She signed wearily, turning back to the still rolling credits and knelt down to pop out the DVD, just for something to do. Their apologies meant nothing really. In her heart she knew they meant it, to her at least. Neither one of them wanted to upset her, or had even meant to, but really there was only so much she could take. In a few moments they would be right back to fighting again, her and her feelings completely disregarded as they tore into each other.

"Why," she sighed, with her back still to them "can't you two just get along?" She popped the DVD back into its case.

As she expected there was nothing but silence behind her. Another sigh and she stood. "Look, I really do want to go to bed, so…" She couldn't meet their eyes, though they weren't trying to meet hers either. Both boys stood, grabbing their coats without so much as a comment to the others attire.

'_Nith purple, trying to thignal a plane?' _

'_I like the patches on yours; very 'I live in the ghetto' chic.'_

'_Th'on of a bitch.'_

She walked them both the ten feet to the door to her apartment and, spurned by guilt, she gave them each a kiss on the cheek before guiding them out and closing the door behind her.

She dug the heels of her palms into her eyes as she slumped against the door.

"Look what you did."

"What _I _did?"

Feferi groaned in frustration as she heard the argument start up immediately as the door closed.

Storming away from the door and the offending assholes outside, she made her way to her computer, suddenly lonely in the gloom of her apartment. She glanced at Aradia's closed door. If only her roommate wasn't away for the week on an archeology dig, then she would at least have someone to tell her she was justified in her accusations.

It couldn't be normal, the way those two behaved. Sure, she didn't like people, but good Lord it was like they were obsessed with hating each other. If she didn't know better-

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] at 9:15**

**CG: DID THE FUCKTARDS LEAVE YET? **

Feferi couldn't help but smile. Despite all his flaws, Karkat was possibly the best listener of all of her friends.

**CC: Yea)( t)(ey just left. **

**CG: WHAT DID THEY FUCKING DO THIS TIME?**

**CC: W)(at makes you t)(ink t)(ey did something? **

**CG: YOU'RE KIND OF EASY TO READ, EVEN THROUGH TEXT. NO LECTURE FOR CALLING THEM FUCKTARDS, AND THE LACK OF RETARDED FISH PUNS GAVE IT AWAY. **

**CC: Sorry, I can try to scallop some up for you. **

**CG: …THAT WAS A FUCKING HORRIBLE, EVEN BY YOUR USUAL STANDARDS. **

**CC: I know 38(**

**CG: WHAT HAPPENED?**

**CC: Siiiiiiiiiiigh. T)(ey won't stop fucking fig)(ting!**

**CG: REALLY? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA, THANKS FOR FILLING ME IN. **

**CC: 38/ T)(-ER–E IS NO N–E–ED FOR TH–E ADDITUD–E!**

**CG: GODDAMN COULD YOU TYPE MORE OBNOXIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY. LIKE, THAT IS ALMOST READABLE. ONLY TOOK ME FIVE MINUTES TO DECODE THAT SHIT. YOU NEED TO STEP IT UP A NOTCH. WOULDN'T WANT TO TYPE IN NORMAL ENGLISH, GOD FUCKING FORBID. **

**CC: 38(**

**CG: …**

**CC: …**

**CG: FUCKING SHIT I'M SORRY ALRIGHT, NOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?**

**CC: I told you! T)(ey won't stop fighting! It's like t)(ey go into t)(eir own world or something. T)(ey see eac)( ot)(er and then- BOOM. No more reality. Just t)(e two of t)(em glaring at each ot)(er. **

**CG: GOD I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. IT'S LIKE THE START TO A SHITTY ASS GAY PORN WHENEVER THEY ARE TOGETHER. I FEEL LIKE I NEED A SHOWER AND TO GO TO CHURCH OR SOMETHING AFTER I'VE BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THEM. **

**CC: 38O W)(AT? **

**CG: DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T FUCKING SEEN IT. YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU DID. **

**CC: Well, yea)(, but t)(at's not quite t)(e way I would describe it…**

**CG: WHAT THE FUCK FEFERI, HOW NAÏVE CAN YOU BE? THAT'S NOT NORMAL HATE GOING ON, IT'S SOMETHING ELSE. I HATE FUCKING VRISKA, AND I DON'T TALK ABOUT HER ALL DAY AND NIGHT AND DISAPEAR INTO FUCKING GAYTARD WORLD WITH HER. AND BELIEVE ME, SOLLUX DOES TALK ABOUT ERIDAN ALL THE DAMN TIME. FUCKING ERIDAN THIS AND ERIDAN THAT AND 'I HATE HIM SO MUCH AND HE'S SO STUPID AND I WANT HIM TO FUCK ME INTO THE MATTRESS.' **

**CC: …W)(AT? **

**CG: HE MAY NOT HAVE SAID THE LAST PART, BUT IT WAS INBEWTEEN THE LINES. COME ON, YOU HAVE TO HAVE NOTICED IT. THE TWO DUMBEST FUCKASSES FOR FRIENDS THAT WE HAVE ARE IN LOVE. OR WANT TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER REALLY. FUCKING MAGICAL FAIRY TALES AND SHIT ABOUT TO HAPPEN HERE. OR NOT REALLY, BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH GOING TO JUST GLARE REATRDEDLY AT EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY LITERALLY SUFFOCATE SOME POOR BYSTANDARD, PROBABLY ONE OF US, WITH THEIR SEXUAL TENSION. **

Feferi paused for a moment, reading back over Karkat's screaming text. Instantly she was cross checking it with her memories of the failed night. It had seemed like Sollux and Eridan hadn't been able to take their eyes off of each other, and as she continued to emphasize, they had completely forgotten that she wasn't there, lost in each other.

She could have smacked herself for being so dumb.

They _wanted_ each other, even if they didn't realize it, they did, and _badly_.

**CC: O)( MY GOD! )(OW COULD I )(AV-E B–E–EN SO STUPID? **

**CG: IT'S A FUCKING MYSTERY. **

**CC: GOD I SP–END –EV–ERY FUCKING DAY WIT)( T)(-EM AND I N–EV–ER SAW IT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**CG: WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE.**

**CC: So…**

**CG: SO WHAT?**

**CC: So w)(at are we going to do about it of course!**

**CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? **

**CC: 38O We can't just let it go on like t)(is!**

**CG: I THINK WE CAN. IF THEY WANT TO BE SHITSTAIN MORONS THAT IS THEIR BUSINESS. **

**CC: I can't live like t)(is Karkat. You can't tell me that you are OK with t)(is. You )(ave to LIV–E wit)( Sollux. It )(as to be driving you even more insane t)(an it is me! **

**CG: YOU'VE GOT ME THERE. HE WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MISTER HIPSTER DOUCHE BAG. **

**CC: W)(ale, water we going to do about it? **

**CG: GLAD YO SEE YOU'RE IN A GOOD ENOUGH MOOD TO DO THE SHITTY FUSH PUNS AGAIN, BUT WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?**

**CC: You are the king of romantic comedies Karkat, if anyone would know w)(at to do, it's you. **

**CG: …**

**CG: ALRIGHT YOU HAVE ME THERE. **

**CC: Soooooo? W)(at's the plan Mister Vantas? **

**CG: OK I HAVE AN IDEA. DAMN YOU ARE LUCKY YOU HAVE ME AS A FRIEND. WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU ACTUALLY DO WITHOUT ME? BE COMPLETELY FUCKED IS WHAT YOU WOULD DO. **

**CC: STOP B-EING SO FLOUND-ERING ANNOYING AND JUST T-ELL M-E T)(-E PLAN. **

**CG: …**

**CG: FLOUNDERING? **

**CG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? **

**CC: S)(UT UP, I'M –EXCIT-ED!**

**CG: I'LL LET IT SLIDE FOR NOW. **

**CC: PLAN! 38O**

**CG: JESUS WOMAN CALM DOWN. HAVE YOU EVER READ MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING?**

**CC: No! W)(at is it? **

**CG: OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T. BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE IN OUR ENTIER GROUP OF FRIENDS WHO ISN'T ILLITERATE. **

**CC: 38/**

**CG: IT'S SHAKESPEARE DUMBASS. **

**CC: You read S)(akespeare? **

**CG: SOME OF US LIKE TO READ QUALITY LITERATURE FEFERI, AND NOT SHIT ABOUT VAMPIRES FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF TEENAGE GIRLS THAT REMIND THE READER OF HERSELF. **

**CC: I don't read s)(itty vampire novels!**

**CG: OF COURSE NOT. **

**CC: We are getting off topic. W)(at does this )(ave to do with Sollux and Eridan? **

**CG: IF YOU READ THE FUCKING PLAY YOU WOULD KNOW. BUT BASICALLY WHAT I AM GETTING AT HERE IS THEY BOTH WANT EACH OTHER RIGHT? AND THEY BOTH WANT TO RIP EACH OTHRS THROATS OUT AT THE SAME TIME. WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE PLAY. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CONVINCE THEM THAT THE OTHER ONE LIKES THEM, AND THEN GO FROM THERE. **

**CC: W)(at do you mean me? You won't )(elp?**

**CG: I JUST FUCKING DID. I'M THE MASTERMIND HERE. YOU'RE THE PERSON WHO MAKES SURE MY PLANS HAPPEN. JUST TALK TO BOTH OF THEM AND LET IT SLIP THAT THE OTHER ONE LIKES THEM. IT'S NOT FUCKING HARD. **

**CC: I don't know if t)(at will work t)(ough. It sounds kind of…risky. **

**CG: IF IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR SHAKESPEARE, IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE BEE DICK AND FISH DOUCHE. **

**CC: …**

**CC: -Ew. **

**CG: SHUT UP**

**CG: SPEAK OF THE FUCKER HE JUST WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR. **

**CG: GODDAMN AND HE'S ALREADY BITCHING ABOUT ERIDAN. FUCK DAMN IT WHY ARE THESE MY FRIENDS? WHY IS THIS MY LIFE? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO IN A PAST LIFE TO DESERVE THIS? IT MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY FUCKING HORRIBLE. **

**CG: I THINK I MAY HAVE BEEN JUDAS. **

**CC: 38O**

**CC: I doubt t)(at Karkat. **

**CG: WHATEVER. I HAVE TO GO. HE WON'T SHUT UP AND I NEED TO PRETEND TO BE ASLEEP. **

**CG: GOODLUCK. I BELIEVE IN YOU OR WHATEVER. YOU CAN DO IT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE SAVE US ALL. **

**CC: Wait!**

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] at 9:55**

Feferi stared at her screen for a moment longer, brow furrowed with deep thought. She turned in her chair, looking out into her silent apartment as if it held the answers. In the corner of her eye she saw a small flash, her phone lighting up on the counter.

**Two new text messages.**

**From Eridan: im sorry fef please dont be mad at me. ill do wwhatevver you wwant to make it up to you. **

**From Sollux: hey ff iim really sorry about ruiiniing your niight and just generally being 2uch an a22hole. can you forgiive me?**

She couldn't help the involuntary eye roll at how pathetic her two boys were.

Karkat's insinuation flashed through her mind unwarranted as she stared at their groveling texts. She wanted to ask herself if he was right, but there was no need to question. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he was right, and she was still embarrassed that she hadn't noticed it sooner.

Then there was Karkat's plan, or rather, Shakespeare's. She worried her lip between her teeth, deliberating. Shakespeare was the bard of love after all, if anyone knew how to get two stubborn assholes together, it would be the great man himself.

**To Eridan: Come on Sollux, you need to let t)(is go. I know it )(urts, but )(e )(AT-ES you, and you make it seem like you )(ate )(im too. I know you don't want to, but maybe you s)(ouldn't be around )(im anymore and s)(ould just try to pus)( away your feelings. You'll find someone else, I know you will. 38)**

She typed out the same messaged to Sollux, only replacing his name for Eridan's. Her finger hesitated over the send button. This was a stupid plan. That was obviously fake; a twelve year old could have written a more convincing text. There was no way either of them were dumb enough to believe that.

Feferi hit send before she could stop herself.

For a tense minute there was no response and after losing a staring contest with her cell phone, she busied herself with finding something to eat her stress away. She really didn't give a damn at the moment whether that was healthy or not because this was one hell of a night and –

The phone lit up.

She dove for the phone with far more dramatics than were all together necessary.

**From Eridan: wwhat feelins? **

Feferi rapped her fingers against the counter top, mind scrambling for a proper response.

**To Eridan: W)(at?**

The response was almost instant.

**From Eridan: in that text. that wwas meant for sol right? an you wwere talkin about me right? **

Oh god Eridan was a bigger idiot than she had thought.

**To Eridan: W)(AT? No! Of course not. It was about someone else. **

**From Eridan: wwho? **

**To Eridan: It's none of your business nosy!**

**From Eridan: stop fuckin around fef. i know you wwere talkn about me. wwhat feelins? **

**To Eridan: Look, I've said too muc)( already. T)(at text was an accident. Can we just pretend it didn't )(appen? **

**From Eridan: no wwe cant fuckin forget that it happened. if someones sayin somethin about me i havve a right to knoww wwhat it is. **

**To Eridan: No one is saying anyt)(ing about you!**

**From Eridan: obvviously someone is. an by someone i mean sol. **

**To Eridan: W)(at does it matter anyway? You can't stand )(im. **

Eridan took a while to respond to that one.

**From Eridan: i don't hate him. hes just a pain sometimes. **

Feferi couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat. She was slumped over the counter top, her quest for comfort food forgotten. This was hilarious and adorable at the same time, and she feared for a moment that perhaps Karkat was rubbing off on her. The dumbest plan in the history of shitty romcom plans was working.

**To Eridan: W)(AT?**

**From Eridan: nothin, hes just annoyin is all. **

**To Eridan: O)(. Well then. **

**From Eridan: yeah. **

**From Sollux: what the fuck ff? **

Feferi glanced around the empty apartment. She knew she looked like an idiot, cracking up by herself, how could Aradia be missing this? Damn her and her dig in Jamaica. This was one hundred times more entertaining than the ruins of Caribbean slave quarters.

**To Sollux: W)(at?**

**From Sollux: that text. hiip2ter douche want2 my diick? **

**To Sollux: W)(AT? I never said t)(at. **

**From Sollux: you 2ent me a text meant for hiim. **

**To Sollux: O)(. T)(at wasn't about you. Conceited. **

**From Sollux: cut the 2hiit ff. who el2e could you have been talkiing about? **

**To Sollux: It's none of your fucking BUSIN-ESS. 38O **

**From Sollux: iif fiish face iis talkiing about me ii de2evre to know. **

Not only were they both morons, but they were apparently the _same_ moron. But, Feferi had to concede, it was kind of cute.

**To Sollux: W)(y? You always talk about )(im be)(ind )(is back. **

**From Sollux: thii2 ii2 diiferent. **

**To Sollux: )(ow? **

**From Sollux: becau2e a2 my be2t friiend iif you fiind out that 2omeone liike2 me you have to tell me. **

**To Sollux: No one said )(e liked you! **

**From Sollux: you ju2t diid!**

**To Sollux: Look, w)(atever )(e or I said doesn't matter. You can't stand )(im, end of discussion. **

Just like Eridan, it took Sollux a minute more to answer.

**From Sollux: 2o?**

**To Sollux: W)(at?**

**From Sollux: I 2aiid 2o? iit doe2nt' matter what ii feel for hiim you 2tiil have to tell me what he 2ay2. **

**To Sollux: W)(at you feel? 38O**

**From Sollux: that2 not what ii meant and you know iit. **

**To Sollux: Well, w)(at did you mean? **

**From Sollux: nothiing quiit tryiing to turn thii2 around. **

**To Sollux: Alright, let's just drop t)(e w)(ole t)(ing. **

**From Sollux: Fine. **

Feferi felt more accomplished than she really should have, she knew. But it was so hard not to feel a little satisfied at making them both squirm, partially because her romantic heart was doing a little dance at how cute this all was, but also because she felt she deserved a little revenge for how uncomfortable the two of them had been making her feel.

It was over though; she had brought an end to the discussion with both of them. With the finality of both texts, she felt her mood failing her. Was that that then? Quite the letdown really. She drummed her nails against the counter top, her chin resting in her other palm. The fun wasn't entirely over though she supposed, the idea was in both their heads now, but what did she do from there? There really was nothing to do but-

And then it hit her.

Before she lost her nerve she snatched up her phone again and wrote out a text as quickly as she could and hit send.

With just as much swiftness she slammed the phone back down, returning herself to her former position as if pretending it had never happened. Her phone lit up twice almost immediately, and she felt her heart pounding with each text.

She had either just set up her friends, or set WWIII in motion.


	2. Part II

**PART II. **

**Be Sollux = **

People were staring; he could feel it even without taking his eyes off of the sky. They were always staring at him, casting what they thought was an inconspicuous glance at the too tall and too skinny boy with the different colored lenses covering his eyes. Sollux wasn't an ostentatious person, not really. His bizarre glasses were almost a mockery to the rest of his person, so boring and unassuming.

He wouldn't have his glasses any other way though. If he was going to stand out by being a head taller and half as wide as everyone around him, he decided he might as well have something that made him stand out by choice.

"Sol."

Speaking of ostentatious. Sollux hadn't even heard Eridan approach. As he looked over at the other boy he had a distinct impression that Eridan had waited a moment before pulling him out of his thoughts.

Sollux's name, as he was weary to call it a greeting, had been snarled with its usual hint of disgust, Eridan's lip still pulled up with distain from the gesture. God was he obnoxious. His coat reached his knees and was a plum color, topped off with a bright blue scarf wrapped around his long neck. Eridan wasn't short by any standards, but still Sollux was about eye level with the ridiculous plume of purple he had dyed in his brown hair.

No, his hair wasn't brown, Sollux's hair was brown, Eridan seemed to be above such trivial colors. His hair was probably _chestnut _or _rust_ or some pretentious shit. Because nothing could simply just _be _with Eridan. From his skin that wasn't really pale, and wasn't really tan, but just happened to be the perfect shade, almost accidentally, to his eyes which were a bizarre mix of grey and blue, Eridan was anything but ordinary. He was just the right height, with his shoulders just the right width. His nose, his lips, his ears, all without flaw and all completely unique to Eridan.

This was the reason he couldn't stand Eridan. The fucker had it all; he was good looking, rich, smart, and even kind of funny when he didn't try too hard. But then he would open his mouth and all Sollux wanted to do was punch him straight in his perfectly straight teeth.

If he was honest with himself, he probably would have hated Eridan even more if he was a nice guy on top of everything else.

This entire train of thought took place in only a few seconds, as Sollux had gotten quite quick with his judgments of the other boy.

"Eridan."

"Fef here yet?" Eridan asked, looking away, his hands stuffed awkwardly in his pockets.

"No, not yet."

Sollux looked over at the line for tickets, forming outside of the local movie theater. Their movie started in fifteen minutes, and it wasn't like her to be late. It also wasn't like Eridan and Sollux to be so close to one another and not throw barbs until their tongues gave out, but without a word they had reached an understanding.

They would deal with one another for Feferi's sake.

And then, with all of the invitation Sollux would extend to appendicitis, came the memory of last night. He could feel his face heating up, but a quick glance to the left told him that Eridan was quite purposefully looking the other way. If Sollux's eyes lingered for slightly longer than all together necessary, well then there really wasn't much to read into that. Besides, Feferi was messing with him last night. It took him hours longer than he was willing to admit to figure it out, but it was really the only explanation. No one liked Sollux, not even Sollux himself.

Feferi must have thought it was just hilarious while he lay in bed with knots in his stomach and a lump in his throat for half the night. He hadn't even been able to distract himself with codes, as each set of numbers turned into Feferi's fake text.

Fake. Fake. Fake. It was a joke. Just a joke.

He chanced another glance at Eridan and just barley retained his shock to find grey staring back at him.

Anxiety wanted him to look away immediately, but his pride over the arrogant prick wouldn't allow it. As turned out to be the same case with Eridan, who raised an eyebrow in question, but refused to look away either. What transpired from their arrogance was more or less the tensest of all of the Sollux-Eridan staring contest to date. Sollux could feel his blush spreading down his neck and past his collar, his entire body rigid as Eridan watched him with tense suspicion. His cheeks were turning a bit pink, but Sollux chalked it up to the weather without a second thought.

Without breaking eye contact, Eridan slid his hand into his coat pocket, and withdrew his iPhone. Probably the newest edition, Sollux assumed. Douche bag.

With one final glare Eridan looked down at his phone, head still held high as if he didn't really care that he had forfeited their impromptu contest.

As silently as he could, Sollux let out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding and took a subtle step back. _When had they gotten closer? _He tried to look anywhere but at the people passing by, because he could feel their stares, always staring, and he knew this time it didn't have to do with his height or glasses.

"Fef says to go in, she's runnin' late."

"Feferi'th never late."

"Well, it looks like th'e i'th," Eridan countered immediately, his typical gravely accent twisted to mimic Sollux's lisp. He didn't leave Sollux time to respond as he stepped away, heading to purchase his ticket.

Sollux flushed darker, his blood boiling in rage. It took all of his self-control and love for Feferi not to take a sucker punch shot at the back of Eridan's head as he followed him to the line.

"Athhole," he contented himself with instead.

Eridan didn't turn to look at him, but his shoulders twitched, like he was holding back a laugh as he moved to the ticket booth. "One for Sherlock Holmes II."

The girl behind the counter smiled at Eridan, batting mascara covered eyelashes at him for a second before handing over his ticket and taking his cash. Sollux rolled his eyes. He'd seen this before, every girl giggled and flirted with Eridan for the first minute of meeting him, with his looks and accent it was hard to find a girl who wouldn't. By the second minute they were usually ready to strangle him.

"One for Sherlock Holmeth," Sollux asked when it was his turn, refusing to acknowledge that he was there with the other boy.

"8.95 please."

Sollux reached into his jacket pocket, only to find it empty. His stomach dropped to his feet. If there was a God, he did not just forget his wallet.

"Do you need me to pay for you?" Eridan's voice was dripping with poisoned honey. Sweet as could be and coated with condescension.

"Shut up, I've got thith."

With his heart tight with embarrassment he reached into his other pocket, and then both of his pants, but his wallet was nowhere to be seen. He was holding up the line, the ticket girl was annoyed, and Eridan was laughing at him, this really couldn't get much worse.

"Here you go," the ticket girl said suddenly, sliding the slip of paper between the barrier that separated them, a huge and knowing grin overtaking her face. She looked away to sort the money in her hand, before sliding it over as well.

"One dollar and five cents is your change."

Sollux was momentarily dumbfounded before Eridan reached past him, taking the money.

"Thanks." He dropped a wink at the girl before turning towards the doors. "Come on Sol, you're holdin' up the line."

Sollux froze for a moment before stepping out of the way of the young couple behind him. Humiliated and enraged he swore his vision was going red. Because Eridan had just paid for his ticket, and was now holding the door open for him, a shit eating grin on his face as he threw yet another wink, this time at Sollux.

"Fuck you," he hissed as he passed, hands balled into fists in his jacket to keep from crushing Eridan's neck between his fingers.

"Most people would just say thank-you, but however you wanna show your gratitude is up to you."

Sollux tensed even further, and there was a slight worry that if he got any madder he might snap his own spine with the tension. It wasn't entirely Eridan's fault, he had to admit. Eridan was like a social shark. By nature he was programmed to find that one drop of blood in the water and attack without question. Sollux knew that as soon as he showed he wouldn't lie down and die, Eridan would curl up in the corner like the pathetic sack of shit that he was. But on those days where Sollux's confidence was at the lowest, it was like Eridan could smell it, and would swoop in and pick and pick until Sollux was tripping over his own feet and wasn't quite sure which way was up. It looked like today was turning out to be the latter of the situations.

"God shut-up," Sollux snarled under his breathe. He refused to be kicked out of the theater before Feferi even showed up. Or maybe it would be better to be thrown out for fighting before she got there, so she wouldn't have to witness what might turn into homicide.

They found their theater and seats without much incident, sitting a seat away from each other to allow room for Feferi to sit between them. There was three minutes until the movie started, and still no sign of their ginger friend.

As Sollux was staring at his phone, about to text Feferi, the New Text Message flashed across the screen.

**From FF: Sollux, I am so, so sorry! I can't make it! 38(**

Sollex felt his blood run cold.

**To FF: youre fuckiing kiiding riight? **

**From FF: No, I'm not! I'm so sorry Sollux, please don't be mad! T)(ere's been an emergency and I need to go.**

**To FF: are you OK? **

**From FF: Yea)(, it's my one friend. I t)(ink s)(ell be alright, but s)(e needs me now. I'm sorry. **

**To FF: ff ii cant do thii2. **

**From FF: W)(at are you talking about? You guys already paid for t)(e tickets, just watc)( t)(e movie! Please Sollux, it would mean so muc)( to me if you two got along. 38)**

Sollux rubbed his eyes under his glasses. He was going to get a headache.

"Did she text you too?"

Sollux didn't look up at Eridan. "Yeah, she'th not coming."

Well, it wasn't like it would be that big of a loss for Sollux to just leave, he didn't pay for his ticket after all, the memory of which made him want to punch something –or someone- all over again. "Tho, I guess we jutht do thith thome other time then?" He hadn't meant for it to sound like a question, but Sollux was quickly discovering that he was completely losing control of his life.

Eridan snorted, propping one of his designed boots up on the seat in front of him. "You can go if ya want. I paid eighteen dollars and have been waitin' since I was ten to see this movie, I'm stayin'."

Sollux raised an eyebrow, eyes flicking between Eridan to the screen, as the lights dimmed and the previews began. He was already there after all, and he did enjoy Sherlock Holmes, and Feferi had said to go ahead.

However, he was now on a date with Eridan Ampora.

In defense of that though, there was a seat separating them, left in Feferi's honor. Going against his better judgment he whipped out his cell phone and typed a quick text to Feferi before shoving it back in his pocket.

**To FF: fiine. **


	3. Part III Part I

**A/N: This will not be five chapters long. Or rather, four, with a bonus at the end. This got so out of hand. So much longer and smuttier than originally anticipated. Oops. Also from here on out I was running so late that my regular beta could not help, so instead this was edited by myself ****and Noverael Parabatai, so a big thanks to him.**

**Also a big thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. You are all wonderful. **

**Part III**

**= Be Eridan**

Sherlock Holmes II was a fan-fucking-tastic movie and that was really the only way to describe it. While Eridan wouldn't usually concede that anything could be better than the original of anything, he had to admit this movie was without flaw.

"The thequel ith always better," Sollux quipped when Eridan told him of his feelings on the matter.

Eridan couldn't help but scrunch up his face. "You _would_ always like the sequel."

"And you would alwayth like the original," Sollux retorted as he slipped past him to head down the stairs. "Hipthter."

Eridan glared at the taller boy as he walked away, rushing a bit to catch up. "I'm amazed you can even say the word hipster, that's gotta be like a tongue twister to you, huh?"

Sollux threw a look over his shoulder to glare down at Eridan and Eridan felt his confidence shake immediately, but forced a smirk into place anyway.

Sollux's eyes messed with him, though he would never admit it out loud. They were two different colors behind his dual tinted glasses, one eye bright blue and the other dark amber, in what was possibly the strangest combination Eridan had ever seen. The kicker was the ice in them though, whenever Sollux got mad it was hard to look directly at them, but impossible to look away, because his pride wouldn't allow it.

When Sollux looked away again Eridan allowed his face to fall back into a glare. God he hated Sollux. Every single fucking thing about him seemed like nothing less than a personal insult. Eridan spent a ridiculous amount of time and money on his appearance, everything single article of clothing he was wearing cost more than all of Sollux's outfit put together. He styled his hair, dyed it and gelled it. His teeth were straightened and regularly whitened, and his skin care products cost more than most people's weekly grocery bill.

And then there was Sollux.

His jeans had holes in them that weren't meant for style, his tee shirt had to be from the 90's and his coat was about as beat up as it could get, complete with a tear in the sleeve. Eridan was pretty sure he hadn't combed his hair since they graduated high school, and his teeth certainly weren't straight. There were even a few pockmarks on his cheeks where his teenage acne had left its scars and yet the fucker couldn't have been more adorable.

Eridan also couldn't stand the way that Sollux could just look down on him, literally. He had a grudge against anyone taller than him and Sollux really was just taller than he had any right to be, and far skinnier too. It always made Eridan feel like he needed to work out more, or go on a diet, every time he was around Sollux. And his fucking _legs. _They went on forever, and that just wasn't fair, because all the money in the world wasn't going to make Eridan's legs longer.

They didn't say anything more as they made their way down the theater hall and to the main lobby. The silence between them was bizarre, still as tense, though lacking the usual fire that usually raged between them. How long had it been since he had been alone with Sollux without Feferi trying to keep them apart? Without her there for them to fight over?

It made him feel…more vulnerable, if he was being honest, which he wasn't. When Feferi was with them, it was easy to distance himself from Sollux, to fight him from behind Feferi and have an excuse to attack him. For some reason without her there it was suddenly much more complicated, as was their relationship. They were enemies when Feferi was present, and certainly now they weren't really friends. The mutual distaste –to put it mildly- was still present, and yet they had just seen a movie together and handled themselves almost civilly, as blood had yet to be spilt.

And then, there was the matter of Feferi's text last night.

No. No, no no, that was no matter because that was nothing, Eridan assured himself hurriedly, hunching his shoulders involuntarily against the world. That had been a joke. Feferi had just been playing a cruel joke on him, and nothing more. No, not even a cruel joke, just a stupid one. Because to call it a cruel joke would be to infer that his feelings were somehow tread upon.

Because it certainly hadn't made his heart skip a beat to think that Sollux liked him.

It was just a joke though, and Eridan had to admit he deserved it, to even have believed her for a minute. After all, what possible reason could the man who everyone loved without a second thought have for liking him, the one everyone hated no matter what he did.

That thought was quickly pushed away, because wallowing was rather unbecoming, no matter how much of a fan of it he might be. People hated him because they were jealous. They wished they were as flawless as he was, and that was that. Hating him wouldn't make them any better, and sometimes he just wished they would realize that. Because it was seriously starting to get on his nerves.

Also denial was easier than the truth, and he was quite content with that.

Eridan let his gaze sneak over towards Sollux as they made their way out the door. Maybe being friends with him wouldn't be so bad. If he could stop being such a dick, that was.

Outside the wind picked up, and blew Eridan's hair all out of place, despite the gel he had applied this morning. With a snarl he fought to put it back as it was, knowing full well he looked like an idiot with his multi colored hair sticking up like a rooster. Sollux's hair merely ruffled a bit, throwing it into further chaos that only seemed to somehow make it look better.

Scratch that, Eridan decided as they passed a group of girls who openly eyed Sollux with approving looks. Sollux would always be an asshole and Eridan would never grace him with his friendship.

"Well, thee ya," Sollux said suddenly and awkwardly, his shoulders hunched as they reached the curb and he headed off for his car.

Eridan raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, his face falling into a scowl once more as he stalked off to his own car. A brand new Corvette, navy blue, a birthday present from his father. Actually it had been an, 'I'm sorry I can't make it home for your birthday, so here's a car shut-up' present, but close enough. He sighed as he slipped into the leather seat, starting the car with the press of a button rather than the turning of a key.

The movie had been amazing, that much was undisputable. However he still had a sick feeling in his stomach that he couldn't quite place, nor did he really feel like exploring it too deeply. He relaxed back into the seat a moment, letting the car heat up as Phantom Planet blared from the speakers. A sudden vibration in his pocket made him jump. He fished out his phone as quickly as he could.

**From Fef: )(ow was the movie?**

**To Fef: it wwas great! wwould have been better if you wwere there. sol wwas annoying as fuck. **

**From Fef: 38( **

He ignored her, resting his head against the steering wheel as he waited for the heat to fully finish warming up.

"_I could be your bonfire, and you can be my ship out at sea…"_

Eridan looked up in surprise as his phone went off. He didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

There was a long-suffering sigh on the other side of line. "Did you leave yet?"

"…Sol?"

"Yeah."

"…How did ya get my number?"

"I jutht athked Feferi, now did you leave yet?"

"No, I'm still in the parkin' lot."

There was another pause.

"Can you give me a jump?"

"…What?"

"My car, you fucking moron. The battery'th dead."

Eridan smirked. "Only if ya ask nicely."

There was a sigh and a string of curse words from the other end of the line. "Pleathe will you help me thart my car?"

"Don't beg, Sol, it's unbecomin'."

He hung up on Sollux's insults, tossing the phone aside as he threw the car into gear and searched for Sollux and his wretched vehicle. It didn't take long to find him at the very back of the lot, the skinny fucker leaning against a beat up and faded yellow SUV, his arms crossed and eyes narrowed as Eridan pulled up beside him. Really, it was embarrassing having the two cars next to each other. Two complete opposites.

"My God," Eridan hissed as he got out, pulling the hood of the Corvette up, "are you sure it's the battery? You sure it just didn't die out a' humiliation?"

"Thut the fuck up, we don't all have daddy'th money to throw around. Thome of uth have to actually pay for thingth ourthelveth." Sollux refused to look at him as he popped his own hood, and then picked up the jumper cables he had laying on the ground.

"Yeah? And how much did you pay for it? If it was anythin' more than $5 you got ripped off."

Sollux practically growled, snapping the clamps into place a bit rougher than necessary. Eridan leaned against his car, suddenly much more comfortable than before. Fighting with Sollux was something he understood, it was what he was used to. He always reveled in Sollux's rage. The way his eyes narrowed and his jaw set, shoulders tense and pushed back, legs braced apart and that snarl making its way up his throat making his Adam's apple vibrate beneath the skin.

Eridan swallowed and looked up at the sky for something to do.

He didn't watch as Sollux tried his car's engine again, closing his eyes as he listened to the piece of shit's engine finally roar to life.

"Fuck yeah!" Sollux's victory shout brought him back to the real world.

"Well, congradu-fuckin'-lations, you're shitty car will live another day."

Sollux slammed the car door behind him. "You leave my car alone you fucking douche, I worked my ath off to pay for it."

Eridan snorted, watching Sollux lean over to undo the clamps from his car's engine. "I told ya, ya paid too much. You could probably get more for scraps than it's actually worth as a whole."

Sollux said nothing as he took the clamps off of Eridan's car, and then suddenly Sollux was in front of him, a metal clamp almost brushing the tip of Eridan's nose. Eridan's eyes went wide behind his glasses. Sollux was towering over him, dual colored eyes flashing dangerously. Instinctively he tried to move back, but his car hindered his movement. He was trapped.

"I have had it with your thnide, arrogant bullthit." Sollux thrust the clamps in Eridan's face with each word, and Eridan feared he was going to get stabbed with them. "What the fuck ith your problem anyway?"

"My problem?" Eridan countered, his fear waning to make way for his anger. "You are my problem."

Sollux rolled his eyes. "How original."

"No, I mean it," Eridan growled, pushing away from the car, trying to get in Sollux's space as much as he was already in his. "You are my problem. Ya have no fuckin' respect, you're an arrogant asshole who can't pronounce words and thinks you're better an' everyone."

Sollux's glare intensified, his chest swelling with shock and fury. "Really? Of the two of uth, _I'm_ the arrogant athhole?" The clamps clattered to the ground as Sollux's hands jerked up, grabbing fistfuls of Eridan's jacket and holy shit they were actually going to fight.

Eridan reciprocated immediately, grabbing onto Sollux's ratty coat. "Yeah, you're the arrogant atthole." Eridan stared him straight in the eye, nose almost brushing his.

"Why don't you come up here and thay that to my fathe?"

Eridan seethed, his face burning. "Was that supposed to be a short joke? Because I'm not short, you're just a freakish giant."

"Oh you jutht think you're tho perfect," Sollux spat. "Jutht becauthe you're good looking and have pretty eyeth you think you own the world and we're all jutht ant'th beneath your boot'th."

Eridan opened his mouth to snarl a retort, but stopped short, faltering. "You think I have pretty eyes?"

Sollux rolled his eyes, a sound of disgust passing his lips, but his face was even redder than it had been a second ago. "That'th all you heard wathn't it? You are the moth't thelf-thentered, egotithtical athhole I have ever had to deal with."

Eridan's lips twitched into a rude smirk. "Oh my god, ya do have a crush on me. Don't ya?"

Though he didn't move, Sollux's face twisted into complete horror at the notion and Eridan wished he could have captured the moment on camera. "What the fuck?"

"Ya do," Eridan accused. "Ya want me."

"Oh _hell_ no! I think you are projecting. _You _want _me." _

Eridan's nose wrinkled in distaste. "Me want you? Why would I possibly want you?"

Sollux grinned, his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Oh but you do, don't you? You can't keep your eyeth off of me whenever we are together."

"Who could?" Eridan countered. "You're seven feet tall, with crooked teeth and acne. No one can look away."

Sollux _growled_, his chest rumbling with the vibrations. His fingers dug harder into Eridan's jacket, stabbing just below his neck. "That ith exactly the kind of shit I am talking about. You jutht look down on everything, and can't even admit that you could possibly be any thort of athothiated with any of uth mortalth."

"Why Sol, did you just call me a God?" Eridan smirked, pulling Sollux closer to him, trying to be as intimidating as possible. As the probability of this confrontation turning physical was high, Eridan began weighing the odds in his head. He was shorter than Sollux by a good couple of inches, but he was broader and had more muscle. Sollux was all bone and a hit would probably hurt, but Eridan would be able to overpower him if he kept focused.

"That'th not what I thaid."

Their arms were brushing, locked between their chests as they tried to maintain their hold on one another despite their closeness.

"I think it is."

The outsides of Eridan's shoes were pressed against the inside of Sollux's, holding them both in place.

"You're tho full of yourthelf."

Eridan could feel the heat coming off of Sollux's chest, and feel his breath on his face. They were too close.

"You said that already, but ya still said my eyes are pretty."

"Thon of a bitch."

"Prick."

"Douchebag."

"Freak."

"Creep."

"Nerd."

"Hipthter."

"Loser."

"_Wannabe,"_ Sollux hissed with an air of victory.

Eridan bristled sharply at the insult, his teeth bared like a dog. "_Virgin." _

Sollux made a furious sort of noise in the back of his throat, but Eridan didn't have much time to comprehend it, before Sollux's mouth was attacking his.


	4. Part III Part II

**A/N: Guys. Guys. Motherfucker is a recognized word on Microsoft. **

_**Motherfucker. **_

**Also somewhat smut is ahead. **

Eridan let go of Sollux to brace himself against his own car as Sollux threw his weight into him. It only took a moment for his brain to catch up before he was kissing Sollux back.

Eridan had a lot of weird moments in his life, but this one was at the top of the list.

He couldn't care less at the moment.

Sollux's hands quickly moved from their hold on Eridan's jacket, one making its way to his back to pull him closer and the other grabbing hold of the back of his neck roughly. Eridan dug his fingers into the fabric covering Sollux's back, keeping himself from falling onto his car by clinging to Sollux like his life depended on it. Their lips moved desperately against each other, with all the ferocity of the fight Eridan had been anticipating, just directed elsewhere.

Fuck, Sollux smelled good. Eridan was willing to bet that he didn't even try it. That was probably just what he naturally smelled like. Or the scent of some cheap ass soap he bought without even really paying attention. Asshole. He bit down on Sollux's bottom lip, leaving a mark and drawing a half gasp, half growl from the taller boy. When his teeth parted to release Sollux, he was taken advantage of immediately, a foreign tongue sliding between his lips to assault his own. He gasped, momentarily letting his mouth be ravaged by Sollux before he fought back.

His hands moved from Sollux's back to his face, running his fingers through the others hair as the heels of his hands dug into his ears. He pushed his tongue against Sollux's, refusing to give in to the kiss. Sollux's hand moved lower on Eridan's back, fingers touching the metal of the car as he pulled Eridan's hips tighter against his own.

Eridan was dying for breath, he lips sealed against Sollux's as their tongues fought. Their arms were constricting one another, legs intertwined, ribs pressed flush together, and hips…

The small, slightly sane part of Eridan's mind screamed as loudly as it could underneath the haze of…passion? Eridan wasn't even quite sure what to call what was happening. The fact remained, however, that he was tongue deep in _Sollux Captor's_ mouth, and that was Sollux's hands on his ass, and those were Sollux's legs –his long, long legs- holding him in place.

He broke away, taking a gasping breath as he looked off, anywhere but at Sollux. Far off from the parking lot he could see the highway, the headlights bright in the darkness. What time was it now? How long had they been out here? His haphazard thoughts were cut short as Sollux immediately latched onto his jaw, teeth grazing the skin.

Eridan tried and failed to stop his shudder, eyes falling closed for a moment before he remembered why he had pulled away in the first place.

"We're in the middle of a parkin' lot, dumbass," he hissed, pushing Sollux off of him.

"We are on the edge of a parking lot," Sollux countered. His face was flushed and pupils blown wide behind his slightly askew glasses.

"It's still a public place." Eridan wasn't ignorant to the fact that they were both ignoring the thousands of questions brewing in their minds. They were both pushing reason to the wind. They didn't know what was happening, but it was almost embarrassing how much they were both OK with it, so they would spare the other the barb to keep their own dignity in tact.

"Well, what do you thuggetht, printheth?"

Eridan rolled his eyes. "You do have a car."

Sollux stared dumbly at him a moment, mouth hanging open. "You want to-" He stopped abruptly, as if the words caught in his throat. Eridan didn't push it, he got the general idea of his thoughts, and couldn't voice them aloud either. They both looked away, faces burning from the realization of what was happening and their lack of will power to stop it.

Sollux opened the door to the backseat his SUV, gesturing inside grandly. "You firtht, your highneth." He was smiling again, the sly and menacing curve to his mouth seeming more in character than the blush ravishing his face.

Eridan crossed his arms. "I don't think so."

"Why not?" There was a hint of panic beneath Sollux's frustration that Eridan didn't fail to pick up on.

"You first." Without warning he lunged forward, shoving Sollux hard in the chest, enough to send him stumbling onto the floor of the car, his calves still hanging out.

"What the fuck?" He grumbled, trying to push himself up on his elbows in the crowded space.

Eridan followed immediately, trying to find room for his knees next to Sollux's legs, and forced the other back to the floor with another kiss.

Sollux made some sort of noise against his lips, either of agreement or protest, but Eridan paid it no mind. He flicked his tongue against Sollux's and was suddenly pushed back roughly.

"Ah, what?"

Sollux glared up at him behind his colorful lenses. "Are you fucking theriouth? We are on the floor. I can't fucking move." To emphasize his point he tried to sit up further, ignoring Eridan who refused to move, and tried to wiggle between the minimal space between the seats.

Eridan snorted. "You look so stupid."

"Thut the fuck up, and get off of me." He shoved hard against Eridan's chest, trying to force him up.

For a moment Eridan didn't move. He took pride in the fact that while he was shorter than Sollux, he was obviously the stronger of the two. With a grumble of annoyance he finally let up, moving to sit in the seat and pull the door closed as soon as Sollux pulled his legs the rest of the way in. He turned back to Sollux, about to offer up another witty zinger, but forgot it the second Sollux leapt at him.

Eridan's eyes went as wide as the first time, his hands frozen beside him as Sollux straddled him, bony knees brushing his thighs through his skinny jeans. If Sollux were a few inches shorter he would have been sitting in Eridan's lap. Hands were on the sides of Eridan's face, long fingers running through his hair and digging into his scalp as Sollux's teeth, tongue, and lips worked against Eridan's.

His own hands came to rest on Sollux's hips, fingers feeling the curve of his sharp bones through the denim of his jeans. Damn Sollux was skinny. Eridan could count his ribs as he moved one hand up his side, running his thumb between the ridges.

Sollux shivered, a choked sort of noise moving past his lips as Eridan explored his ribs. Discovering a weakness Eridan moved his hands beneath Sollux's shirt and coat, pushing the fabric up as he explored the skin underneath.

Sollux bit down hard on Eridan's lip, eliciting a noise that Eridan would later deny he ever made.

"You and you're fucking girly thcarf," Sollux mumbled as he broke away, fingers tugging at his scarf.

Eridan gasped, fighting off Sollux in what quickly devolved into a rather vicious slap fight. "Get off a' me!" Once Sollux gave way Eridan went to work on the scarf himself. "You're gonna strangle me. And it's not girly!"

"You're right. No girl I know would every wear thomething that tacky."

"Tacky?" Eridan gasped, his mouth falling wide in disbelief.

"Yeah tacky." Sollux beamed at him.

There was a witty comeback to this; Eridan knew he had one. It was lost however, the moment Sollux smiled at him like that. For a just a few seconds, it wasn't cruel or mocking, it was just a smile, brimming with what may have been…affection?

No, that couldn't be it.

And the moment was gone quickly as Sollux leaned in to bite down suddenly on Eridan's neck.

Eridan yelped, his entire body jumping as the shock went through him. "You dick," he gasped, trying to ignore how breathless he sounded.

"You love it."

"God, and ya say I'm full a' myself." Eridan pulled at Sollux's coat zipper, moving his hands underneath it to wrap his arms around Sollux's back. Despite his thinness, Sollux was burning hot through his thin tee shirt.

"You are," Sollux agreed. He shrugged his coat the rest of the way off, letting it drop to the floor. As soon as his hands were free he went to work on Eridan's coat, undoing the buttons with trembling fingers. "You're altho a kinky bitch."

"I think ya just like my skin in your mouth." They were whispering directly into each other's mouths, lips crashing together between breaths and verbal jabs. Their skin was scorching where they touched, noses brushing and hands roaming over necks and newly exposed arms.

"You wish," Sollux countered, but his words were distant, distracted. His hands had left Eridan's face in favor of his biceps, freed from his jacket. Eridan wasn't exactly skinny. Years of horseback riding, swimming, and tennis had given him more muscle than people usually anticipated. Sollux could deny it all he wanted, but the way his fingers were squeezing and massaging Eridan's arms and shoulders told Eridan all he needed to know about how much the other boy approved.

"Nothin' to be ashamed a', really," Eridan continued. He ran his one hand down Sollux's thigh, tracing beside a seam in his jeans as he reached his calf. "Everyone wants a piece a' this."

Sollux wrinkled his nose, brow furrowing, and pulling back a few inches. "You're dithguthting."

"You're the one in my lap with your tongue in my mouth."

Eridan exhaled shakily as Sollux ran his fingers down his chest lightly. Sollux locked onto his open mouth, thrusting his tongue in roughly and leaving no room for questioning dominance.

"That'th right," Sollux said, moving away at last. One hand moved to grasp Eridan's hair roughly. "Becauthe I'm the man here."

Eridan let out an indignant noise of protest. "We're both men you dipshit."

Sollux rolled his eyes. "I think you know what I'm getting at."

Their kisses turned even more brutal, teeth clacking as they bit and sparred. Eridan moved his hands underneath Sollux's thighs and with one surge of effort, flipped Sollux off of him and on his back on the seat.

"What the hell?" Sollux flailed a bit as he tried to regain his ground, but Eridan threw himself on top of the other boy, pining him down. "Fucking damn it Eridan, get off of me!"

"No." Eridan smirked as he kissed Sollux's exposed neck, nipping at the skin gently.

Sollux made an annoyed sort of growl, still wriggling insistently beneath him. "You are tho-" Sollux broke off at the same time Eridan squeaked.

Not that he would ever admit to that either.

The fact of the matter remained that through some combination of Sollux's wiggling and Eridan's attempt at dominance, their hips fit together just perfectly and a spark shot through them both.

"Fuck," Sollux hissed, his plan to get back on top forgotten as he clung to Eridan's shoulders.

"Holy shit." Eridan rested his forehead against Sollux's, kissing him hard.

Sollux's fingers continued exploring Eridan's chest, hands moving between them until he found the hem of Eridan's shirt. Eridan flinched as cold fingers made contact with his stomach, the muscles jumping away from the touch. Those fingers kept moving though, dragging the material along with them until Eridan pulled back and helped Sollux with pulling it over his head, letting it drop on top of their discarded coats.

Before he could return to his original position Sollux had sat up, and was already biting down on his collarbone. Eridan hissed in a breath, his head falling against Sollux's as fingers, teeth, lips and tongue assaulted his chest.

"Damn, hold on." Eridan shoved him away, reaching up to take Sollux's glasses off before he could protest. They joined the clothes on the floor. Sollux blinked a few times, looking annoyed and about to say something probably rude. "They were stabbin' me," Eridan offered as explanation.

"Fine." Sollux reached up, pulling off Eridan's glasses

Eridan moved to Sollux's shirt, returning the favor as he helped him pull it over his head. Skin met skin and Eridan felt like he was on fire. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer like this.

He kissed along Sollux's shoulder, trying to control his breathing. Stealing his nerves he rocked his hips forward. Sollux's moan was surprised and low. Eridan grinned in victory and rocked again.

Sollux met him each time, bringing their mouths back together as fingers tangled in hair. Eridan ran his free hand along Sollux's leg, hitching it up to rest against his hip. Without a complaint Sollux did the same to the other one, locking his ankles behind Eridan's back. That simple action almost put Eridan over the edge.

Sollux pushed Eridan back suddenly. "Dumbath," he scolded, though his voice was rough and breathless. He reached between them, working to undo Eridan's belt and Eridan scrambled to do the same to him.

They fell back onto the seat in their struggle. Eridan doing away with Sollux's belt and working his pants open much faster than his partner.

"Why the fuck do you wear jeanth thith tight?" Sollux huffed, trying to move the offending article.

"Well excuse me," Eridan snapped, embarrassed. He slapped Sollux's hand away and pushed them down just past his groin. "I wasn't really plannin' to remove them in the backseat a' your car."

Sollux raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

Eridan scowled, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Sollux's jeans, pulling them down as far as they could go giving Sollux's current position.

"Nice breifth." Sollux smirked, though it was spoken through a haze of lust and didn't quite have the bite intended.

"They're boxer briefs you fuckin' retard."

"Mhm." Sollux raised his hand, pausing tentatively for a second before moving forward and brushing his hand over the thin black material.

"Shit!" Eridan groaned as Sollux's knuckles grazed over him. With more ferocity then was necessary he grabbed both of Sollux's wrists, and slammed them above his head, kissing him harder than ever as he grinded into him.

The noise Sollux made didn't seem quite possible, his mouth open and head tilted back against the fake leather seat. His eyes were closed tight and the muscles in his neck were taut. They couldn't even kiss anymore, too distracted by everything else that was happening. Eridan took the moment to just look at Sollux and let it sink in.

Because this was happening.

He had no idea why, or how, but it was and he wasn't about to question it.

And fuck Sollux looked amazing. The son of a bitch always looked good, and it always pissed Eridan off. It was pissing him off even now, as he rocked his hips against Sollux's and panted against his mouth, holding back everything he wanted to say.

Most mind boggling of all though, was the fact that Sollux wanted _him_. No one wanted him, and now here was Sollux, good looking, always loved, and possibly a genius Sollux, moaning and writhing beneath _him _in the backseat of a car. Sollux was hot and bothered and sweating because of him, letting him restrain him and rut against him for no other reason Eridan could see other than he simply wanted it. The legs wrapped around his waist tightened, squeezing against Eridan's hips as Sollux whimpered.

Eridan would have mocked him for it, if the noises he was making had been any less embarrassing.

Without warning Sollux opened his eyes, unclenching his face for a moment, and Eridan's heart slammed against his ribcage harder than before. In the heat of the moment, in the middle of whatever the fuck this was, Sollux's eyes met his, those freaky-ass bi colored irises burning a mental picture into his memories he would never be able to rid himself of even if he wanted to.

Eridan didn't even know what noise he made as he lost it, fingers digging marks into Sollux's skin, biting down hard on his shoulder in a feeble attempt to hold himself together through his shaky orgasm. He collapsed on Sollux, unable to hold himself up anymore, breathing ragged and hands still shaking.

"You're kidding me right?" Sollux gasped from beneath him. He was trying to sound annoyed, but Eridan heard the fear beneath it, the worry that Eridan was just going to leave him like that.

"Calm your tits and untwist your panties, Sol." Eridan couldn't lift himself up, or maybe he could, he just really didn't feel like checking. So he remained limp on top of Sollux, but reached his hand down between them, fingers skirting over the jutting ribs and hipbone before reaching Sollux's boxers. He buried his face in Sollux's neck, feigning lethargy to hide his embarrassment as he wrapped his hand around the other man through his boxers.

Sollux bucked into the touch, making a needy sort of noise as Eridan moved his fingers. Something about this was suddenly so much more erotic than anything they had done before. The only sounds in the car were the heater humming and Sollux's whimpers, making each one sound louder than it actually was. He briefly wondered if Sollux realized this, but he doubted he noticed anything more than what Eridan was doing with his hand at that moment.

"_Eridan!"_

Eridan tensed up along side Sollux as the other called out his name, back arching off the seat, and nails digging into Eridan's back. He pulled his hand from between them as Sollux finished, panting heavily into the near silence.

Eridan could feel his blush returning, though not from arousal. God, what had they just done?

He stared at the roof of the car, following a small tear in the fabric.

_One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi…_

Sollux cleared his throat, breathing steadily returning to normal. "That…" He trailed off, unsure what to say.

_Four Mississippi. Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi…_

"That wath…" he tried again. "Interethting."

"Yeah," Eridan agreed, not quite sure what he was agreeing to.

Sollux's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

_Seven Mississippi. Eight Mississippi. Nine Mississippi…_

Sollux snorted suddenly. "And you called _me _a virgin."

Eridan flushed once more, embarrassment twisting in his gut. "Shut-up."

"I mean, damn, how bad did you want me?" He chuckled for a second and then fell silent once more.

_Ten Mississippi. Eleven Mississippi. Twelve Mississippi…_

Without warning Sollux flipped them over, half covering Eridan as he kissed him once more. Eridan really was having difficulty not getting startled by the abruptness of Sollux's kiss attacks.

This time was different though, there was no anger or defiance in the kiss. It was quick and lazy, but so soft it made Eridan's cheeks burn harder.

As quickly as he had started it, Sollux pulled away, flopping back down and throwing an arm over his eyes.

He took a shuddering breath.

"We cannot tell FF."

Eridan barked out an unexpected laugh and couldn't hold back his smile despite his attempts to quell it.

"Never."

**A/N: Oh look another one. A quick word about Sollux and Eridan's patterns of speech that I should have mentioned in the beginning. In my interpretation of Sollux's lisp, he can't make the 'S' sound, but he can make the 'SH' sound. **

**And Eridan has somewhat of an Irish sounding accent. Occasionally he says 'ya' and other times he says 'you'. Those aren't slip ups, I'm just mixing it up. Or trying to. It's 3 AM and I don't know what's happening any more. **


	5. Part IV

**A/N: I haven't slept in like 48 hours. It's 3 AM. This is unbetaed. I don't even know if this story makes sense anymore. But it was fun to write and I hope you enjoyed it, especially you Secret Santa. Thanks for reading!**

**PART IV**

**= Be Karkat**

They had the shittiest apartment really. Piece of shit was small as fuck and there was barely room for one person to live there, let alone two. Despite multiple claims that he was going to find a better apartment, one where he didn't have to sleep in a broom closet, Karkat had yet to find anything better. Not this close to campus and this cheap.

If anyone asked, however, he would say that was what he was doing. He even had a tab open to a local real-estate office.

Because Karkat Vantas was most certainly not reading fanfiction.

Fanfiction was stupid.

"Hey Karkat."

"AH!" He jumped and switched tabs as the door swung open, Sollux's lanky frame illuminated by the hall lights. "Motherfucker you scared me," Karkat accused.

"Thorry." He wasn't.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Karkat glances at the clock. "It's two AM!"

Sollux shrugged off his coat, hanging it up by the door. "I'm thorry mom, didn't know I had a curfew."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Don't be an asshole. I thought you were going to go see a movie with the fish freaks?"

"I did."

"No you didn't." Karkat narrowed his eyes. "Feferi texted me like five hours ago. She said she had some kind of emergency and couldn't make it."

"Yeah," Sollux agreed. His back was still to Karkat as he moved about the tiny kitchen, opening various cupboards.

"So you saw a movie with Eridan?"

"Yeah." Sollux picked up a box of pop-tarts and seemed fascinated by the label.

"And…"

"And what?" Sollux finally turned around, chin held high and expression defiant.

"The movie had to have ended hours ago what have you… is your shirt on inside out?"

Before he even looked down, Sollux's face flushed bright red. With a quick glance down he nodded. "Yeah, mutht have put it on like that. Damn it."

Karkat glared at him, suspicion thick in the air. "No you didn't. I saw you leave."

"Oh my God Karkat." Sollux took the pop-tarts and started walking towards his room. "Thop being a creep."

"I am not being a creep!" Karkat yelled.

Sollux grinned, opening his door. "Whatever. Creep." He closed it behind him with a click.

Karkat let out a yell of frustration and opened up Trollian.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] at 2:07**

**CG: FUCK.**

**CG: ASS. **

**CG: ES. **

**CC: 38)**


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